Child Death
This is not going to be a rant. This is not going to be fun essay, either. As a counselor, on the front lines of community mental health, there is not a day that goes by that I don’t hear some horror, grief, tragedy, or trauma. Sometimes, it doesn’t even come from the patient. Our work is now browser driven, and opening a new browser, I got a sampling of news: 5 year old left car in Texas died. I cried. I do cry at work. I was luckily not with a client this time around. I got up to walk, and boss happened to pass, stopped me, “John?” I wept.
If you have the ability to remain rational, I applaud you. I am not always rational. My questions reflect emotions from sadness, anger, bewilderment, even concern. Yes, concern. The level of emotional chaos, life disruption due to tragedy, and the level of self hate, shame, and grief that explode around these sort of events increase pain to such a degree, some will take their lives.
All of this was preventable. That makes this so much harder to contend with.
Are our lives so busy we can’t slow down and account for the little people in our care? How does one forget a five year old? Isn’t the child the first person the adult gets out of the car? Screw the chocolate ice cream. Let it melt! I am not saying ice cream was involved, I am just asking, don’t we all have the same protocols? Some things require protocols, right? Women and children first, even when just getting out of a car.
On average 35 deaths a year
Are related to heat stroke due to being left in the car. 23 deaths in 2021. We’re up to five this year?
I couldn’t get past the bold headlines at work, before tears were rolling. 5-year-old Texas boy dies after being left in hot car by mom rushing to set up party, sheriff says… Don’t be quick to judge. I can’t imagine the situation or the person, and I don’t want to. I don’t want to be on the jury. I don’t want to know the real pain and sorrow this person is experiencing. I can imagine all too well, hence the tears.
I am intentionally not seeking more details. My imagination has been sufficient to suffer! I speculate, there’s another child, hence the birthday rush? Other child, or children. Where will they go when this mom goes to jail? Jail is likely. People are not forgiving when it comes to negligence resulting in a child death. Whatever life this mom, these kids, had hopes for, it’s over.
How many years of car deaths does it take before this preventable death is no more? Passing laws has not stopped it. Is there anything society can do to help? A panic button for kids that can’t undo their seat belts? Another alarm in the car? Seats that continuously chime if the car is off, and if the temperature reaches a certain threshold, emergency horns blare?
Dare I say it, maybe have more than two parent house holds? I don’t know if this mom is a single mom, but I know this- we should have fewer single parents. It takes a minimum of two good adults to raise kids. In the old days, we had aunts, uncles, and grandparents also.
One other adult saying, “where number 5?” that’s all we needed here. One other person would have helped.
Science is clear on all of this. No one multitasks as well as they think they do. Kids of two parent households do better in all domains of life compared to peers without. Kids who have one sit down meal without tech, just kids and parents and or friends- do better in all domains of life compared to peers who don’t.
I ask this not to beat up single parents. It is genuinely difficult being a single parent. Single mothers are more likely to be in poverty after a divorce, even if they’re lucky enough to get child support.
Being a parent is a full time job, and it is harder than any job on the planet. It is the most important role any human will ever task themselves with. Even when finances are reasonable, single parents often feel overwhelmed in todays world.
If you’re watching the news and not feeling overwhelmed- I wonder about you. We are busy, prices are going up, we’re making short cuts, and just getting by- and this is when tragedy is most likely to strike. Tragedy waits for us to be caught up in family dramas, unprepared, multitasking, and distracted…
Where does a person go for help for just normal stuff? We’re not really a community. Do you know your neighbors? I know which ones that come through the neighborhood with the base so loud my dishes have stress fractures from rattling. I would rather not know him for that. I wave nicely as he goes by. I don’t think he’s looked up from his cell phone… There is another tragedy waiting to happen…
We’re not present. Someone is getting the worst birthday present ever. When parents aren’t focused, or they’re spread too thin, or working too much… Things happen.
There are no do-overs in raising kids.
How does one proceed from here?
If this was the last child death by being cooked in a car, maybe we could turn tragedy around. I don’t think it will be the last death. I don’t think it’s because we don’t care. I don’t know these people from Adam, and I was reduced to weeping in less than minute.
People who aren’t heard, get loud. We need to listen more. And maybe if we realize we’re angry, maybe we need to identify something in us that hasn’t been heard. Since reading this today, driving home, I have been wondering- what is it about this that has reduced me to sadness, anger, bewilderment, and concern.
I am clearly projecting something. In clinical terms, I am experiencing transference.
I was a child. I was often not heard. About that, I would say there were real moments of not being heard, and moments I perceived not being heard. Getting loud didn’t work for me. I was often confused. I knew enough to ask, why would people do that… I still ask that.
Did the kid the car go unheard? Did he make noise? Did he just go to sleep?
Why do kids get left in cars. I don’t have an answer. Getting mad hasn’t resulted in resolutions. Neither has tears. Are there not enough bewildered, saddened people? Can we come together and light a candle, send forgiveness to this mom, pray something fierce, like we’ve never prayed before, and beg God and the world to make some good come out of this?
Can we figure this one thing out, because there is enough stuff to contend with to not need this one, preventable thing.
