I don't think your struggle has anything to do with you lacking compassion, understanding, or respect. If there is any cognitive dissonance, it comes from people being blocked from discussing objective facts. Objective fact is men do not compete against women, because they have an unfair advantage. Changing gender as an adult, in either direction, and competing results in unfairness. A female becoming male, will not suddenly compete in the male arena and win- that would be an unfair situation. Just like the reverse is unfair.

Most people see the unfairness in it. Most people don't want to speak badly about Lia. Can't be mad at her that the rules/system allowed her to compete. There in lies the problem. No one could discuss objective truth, and kindly say 'no' to Lia competing. They have rules and requirements, and Lia met those objectives. She is not at fault for the win.

Because you are a decent person, you recognize that there is an ideal. A descent human being would recognize 'I can't accept this award, because I clearly see I had an advantage due to past competencies and biological vectors that unduly influenced me.'

You struggle because you recognize that not all people think right, and the back lash against transgender people being seen as 'cheaters' is not good for anyone. Lia wasn't advocating for transgender concepts of respect and fairness; she was advocating for herself. And, yay her! She should do that. All of us should do that more! We should all be allowed to have more freedoms to participate in any arena we want.

All people, regardless or orientation, beliefs, age deserve respect. Unfairness exists, and we should do as much as possible to even the playing field so it can be fun for everyone. But there is objective truth about reality, which every twelve year old kid knows- life isn't fair. If in trying to make life fair we create more unfairness, then we need to just accept it what is, and humbly bow out.