My name is John Erik Ege. I thought I was funny. I was telling dad jokes before I was even a dad. Generic dad jokes. Jon-Eric dad jokes. Yeah, you roll your eyes now, but just wait. While cleaning house and downsizing, I found a folder full of incriminating evidence. That one time I thought I might be a comic strip humorist, before I discovered I can’t draw. :) And people think my spelling is bad…
Fortunately for you, it was a very short lived moment in my life. I promise, we will get the pun-ishment over in one essay. Ready? Let’s rip off this band-aide.
He wasn’t always Dirty Ol’ Ben, you know. Think harder, son, you might grow up to be president.
Rockin’ Robbin was a fun song, way in the long time ago. That poor kid. Wait, is this a projection of me? I so need more therapy. He looks so sad.
This one even comes with a song: Lamb On the Run. “look inside these four walls. Locked inside forever. Never seeing no one. But ewe, mamma…” Would you believe I am laughing over here?
Music is important. Little Bobbin around? Oh! Rockin Robin is in that video! Don’t you just love choral music? It pings the depths of your soul. Too fishy?
I think I was initially trying to draw the enterprise. I am definitely not Spock. I used to be a hot air balloon enthusiast… Till this joke.
Oh, I love little Joey! Do basketballs sing the blues? Go Jake and Elwood!
Wait wait wait. Where did the fishes go? Where did you go? Oh, still here? Let’s continue…
Have you noticed there have been a lot of alligators in the news lately? No, really! Google that. Wait wait wait. Alligators in the sewers. Steven Spielberg predict the future with ET! I seriously admired the Far Side, a little dark. Wasn’t he that had the alligator on the stand? “Of course I killed him in cold blood. I am a reptile.”
I have always been seriously bothered by animal heads on the wall. I understand eating but do we have to put them on the wall? I just can’t eat with the deer looking down on my table… I used to walk out of restaurants that had animals on the wall.
This was by far my favorite. Nightmare on Cat Street. It was a catastrophe. Catatonic birds unable to wake up… Fre’dy was the product of an evil scientist, who used to torture his cat. Schrödinger’s would put poor Fre’dy in the box and would ask, ‘Still alive? Are you dead yet?’ “Mew?” ‘Damn, there is more than nine lives here.’ The box was also the first time machine. The quantum box… What?! You can’t just have a still frame and not a whole universe to support it.
That first one was before smart appliances. Pretty soon, that won’t be funny. Smart appliances will be demanding respect. Do you even get the Santa joke? Do you realize just how fast those reindeer have to fly in order to keep that sleigh horizontal? Dewey, well, what did we do before him?
Inch worm, inch worm, measuring the marigolds… Ah, Danny, my long lost friend.
Who hasn’t thought that one? Here is Kermit and Tony! I want to be Tony dad! Not the two old guys usually in the balcony. Tony: I left my heart, in San Francisco. Old guy: Bid deal, I left my teeth in Minneapolis. (Wow, I spelled that right.)
I will have you know, I wasn’t smoking anything at the time. I am still not. I am not opposed to some 420 gummies, but seriously, I am insane enough, don’t you think? Okay, yeah…. All of this. But, what do you have in your closet?