Thinking about thinking

I like thinking. At least, I think I do. I have studied psychology and a smattering of philosophy, and yet, I still don’t know what to make of thinking. Thinking is not necessarily awareness. You can be aware of a thing and not think. The whole purpose of meditation is to increase awareness while minimizing thought. Many have reported that while maximizing awareness and minimizing thoughts, they have experienced transpersonal realms of being. I think I have, too.

But I love thinking. I don’t really want to give it up. One time, at biofeedback, I broke through a plateau and entered a frightening realm of light. Simultaneously, I felt as if I were falling. I suddenly latched onto the arms of the chair the way you might grab the dentist chair when he prods a tooth that is not sufficiently numb. The provider rushed in to see if I were alright because from her perspective, I had just spiked all the metrics.

“Are you okay?”

“Um, yeah. And I am done with this.”

And I didn’t go back. I didn’t explain my experience to her. I didn’t share it with anyone. But I thought about for a long time, and technically, this is evidence of still thinking about it. I like thinking about thinking, and thinking about not thinking.

Is love a thought, or a feeling? “If you ever thought you loved a woman, you loved a woman,” said Kevin Costner’s character in the Fandango. Are movies thoughts? Is an entire movie, from beginning to end, a meme in and of itself. I have watched a lot of movies. My…